A few years

The first few years I did relatively okay. "I" think. Sometimes the pain would get me. Going to the doctor didn't 'do' anything. Xrays to show the rods were still there. (Have I mentioned I hate that statement?) Physical Therapy and a few pain killers. Not alot of help. Ice and heat. Ice and heat. I couldn't lay in bed for more than a day because I swear my back gets weaker and its harder to get up. But I kept going. No one likes a whiner right?

Enter stage left--- Numbness in the center of my back. Just above the shoulders. Maybe a 2" square. Can't feel a thing. But boy do I feel the prickles and needles racing down my arms and into my palms. Or down my legs and into my feet. Pain days creeping up a little more often than I would have liked. But I kept busy living life. You gotta keep doing. No pain, no gain, and all that jazz. I loathe that statement as well. No pain, no gain. YOU try it buddy. Thats what I wanted to shout. I went thru alot of pain and the only thing I gained was frustration at the doctors and more pain for me.

I eventually stopped going to the specialist. His work was done. Nothing more he really wanted to do to help me. Found a couple good physical therapists to do what they could. And just went with whatever came with the day. But now I'm older. And its all becoming known. The future that no one told me about is here. I am finding that the area above and below my rods are breaking down. Call me a idiot but I never realised that would occur. I had the fix all surgery remember?

I went to my primary as long as I could. But as she was very nice their wasn't much she could do. Prescribe some anti inflammatories. Recommend ice and heat. The usual. So finally I went to a pain specialist. I went to their physical therapists and was shown different treatments to help. Like Laser Light Therapy. THAT my friends is a true wonder. If asked I would have scoffed and laughed at a 'light' making me feel better. But I am not laughing any longer because it worked! Muscles finally unbunched enough to let me breathe. Made me feel like melted butter for an hour. Such a nice respite. I just don't realize how tight I get. Even with muscle relaxers and anti inflamatories... I walk like a eighty year old grandma. I don't meet peoples eys in restaurants anymore. I don't need or want their pity.

Its frustrating to me. To hurt all the time. Not always my back either. My knees hurt so badly now that it almost over rides all my other aches. Almost. Neck, tailbone... Those are couple more areas. Crud even some days my elbows woud ache for no reason! Whats THAT about? But seriously, touch me and I'll flip out. The thought of people touching me is unfathomable. I keep everyone at a distance now. I have come to loathe hugs. Of course I do hug as necessary but I really try to be the initiator now instead of having them pull me down for one. I like to hug on my own terms and when I am braced for it. LOL! Sorry. But I am honest. Leave me alone in the bubble and I won't have to hurt you.

Turns out that not only do I have scoliosis with the herrington rods I've somehow wound up with Fibromyalgia. And chronic fatigue. The list goes on. I am sure if you follow this blog you'll hear all about it. LOL! Being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia was a shock. I'd never heard of it. Now I hear it all the time. I wish I understood the syndrome better. I can attest that it is real. And it affects everything. Its the most random illness I've ever heard of. No wonder its laughed at and not believable to those that don't have it. I'd have scoffed too. But the joke is on me ladies and gentlemen. And I am determined to have the last laugh. It might sidetrack me, but no way will I let it keep me down. Not for long anyway! I've got a family. A son that is my world. The pain will just have to keep pace. I say that. But in real life it does control me more than I'd like it too. So not fair to my kid and husband. Some days I manage it better than others. Thats all I can hope for. Keep the dragon lady to little puffs of smoke. So thats it for today. Just a bit more rambling. Pain today is at a 3 and heading to a 4 in a hurry. So I must go stretch and try to hamper it. Good night ya'll.