Fusion

Fast forward to August 31st 1997. I am carefully painting my toes for the last time. In a 'normal' way at least. This sounds ridiculous to those that haven't been limited by bracing or fusion, I know. But bear with me here for a second. I wore that brace for 23 hours a day for 4 years and then transitioned out of it. Had what 2-3 years of freedom only to be told it didn't work? Talk about crushing! Anger. Sadness. I ran a whole heap of emotions that day when I was told my spine kept moving. Seemed like it was all for nothing. Then the doctor tells mom and I that my torso is twisting. It was going to hamper my breathing further. Cut into my lungs. What did we know? The doctor knows best right? I had no internet to refer to. I didn't have other cases to follow up on or ask questions. We did what he said must be done.

So back to painting my toes. I do this (1) to steady my nerves. I am scared of tomorrows surgery. And (2) the act of being able to bend and still paint them was huge. I can't really explain it. But knowing I would no longer be able to do it that way was significant to me. But after a few minutes the radio announces that Princess Di has been killed in a car accident. What does this have to do with anything? I don't really know. But it made everything a bit easier. I still had life. It was just a surgery. Kind of put things in perspective I guess. And it was her funeral and every other story about her that I watched from my hospital bed that week. So if you ask me when I had my surgery my answer is always "when did Princess Dianna die?" 

I begged, begged, and begged my doctor not to staple me. I was so scared of staples. So he stitched me up and taped me. Dear lord! I still cringe and want to cry remembering my grandma having to peel that tape off a week or so later. She was the only one that had the patience and did it gently. Everyone else was trying the 'bandaid' method. If ever you are in the same position, do NOT tear them off. It is NOT the better way. Trust me.

They had me up and walking the very next morning. I will not lie to you. It wasn't the easist thing to do. But I did it. Pushing myself to walk farther than they said so I could get out of there and go home. The nurses were horrid. One night the damn lady pushed the wrong button and I literally slid out of bed. I cry at that memory. That was alot to endure. But you do. You endure. You have no choice not to. They will pull the drainage tubes out. It feels like you are being stabbed and then a hot rush of fluid. I think I had two tubes. If there were more, I blocked it out. The only good thing I can tell you about that is that its over quickly.

My surgeon was good. The herrington rods he installed are still 'in there.' Thats what I'm always told anyways. But the thing about this guy is that he has no bedside manner. No after care at all. Its in there and you are on your merry way. Which is bullshit. Its like if you have issues, he doesn't want to hear about it because he takes it that his operation was sub par or something. Over the years it has driven me to really not like this man. Yes he's talented. Yes I'd go thru back surgery with him again because he is good. But now I know I cannot count on him for after care. And I won't get the whole truth from him either. The thing I find the most horrifying and unforgivable is there was no warning of the future. Nothing about the future good or bad. I just 'assumed' that the surgery would be a good thing. Breathing is a good thing right? Its not like I had a choice. With my curvature it would have had to have been done. But could I have stalled by a year or two? I will never know. And thats why I am starting this blog now. To tell my tale. So you don't travel necessarily down the same road I did. Or if you are, you have a friend to help guide you, grab your hand, pull you along.

Why now? Because I'm ready. Like I said before, the internet wasn't available to me then. And where I had issues over the years, it hasn't been like it is now. NOW is the time that you need to hear my story. To follow my path. You might not have the same journey ahead of you. But you might pick up some tools that are useful to you along the way. This is the future he never told me about. Maybe it was just too new of a procedure and he didn't know. But I'll be honest with you. I am living it. And I can tell you this-- Be kind to your body after surgery. Not that I did anything super horrible. But I also didn't have it pointed out to me that whats above and below the rods works twice as hard and takes the brunt of it all now that you are fused. Maybe I should have known that. But I didn't. I thought I had the miracle fix and was good to go, relatively speaking.

So I will leave you with that today. If you have a fusion surgery, take extra special care of your body. Know that the othe parts of your body are taking on the work of what was fused. Now is not the time to try bungee jumping :) If you are going to do that, do that before your fused. Just sayin'.